Kenny's Response to WatchMojo
by Mysterion's Marshadow
Summary: Kenny's commentary on WatchMojo's "Top 10 Best Kenny Deaths" video. Needless to say, he is NOT pleased. (Blind viewing/reaction.) Oneshot.


Well… this is unexpected. That is, people actually caring about what I had to say. Honestly, your support really means a lot. So, I just wanted to thank you all for showing me that you care.

However, that's not the main reason behind the update. While there have been minor countdowns made on the topic in the past, it's mostly been done by minor sites. And while IGN HAS done a countdown of my deaths before, today brought something new to the table. A video from a big and well-known channel. Enter: WatchMojo.

Now, I am not condoning hate for them, OR their channel. If you're looking for the most popular ranking of a certain topic rather than something influenced by bias, WatchMojo's the channel for you. However, today, something changed. They created a countdown of my deaths.

* * *

Response to WatchMojo

 **By Kenny McCormick**

I have yet to watch it in its entirety. I only had to look at the first entry to see that I wanted to create a response to it. So, I'll be writing this down as I'm watching. It's just going to be me reacting to it, for the most part.

 **(Their) intro:**

It seems that they'll be choosing these by "most iconic." I suppose that ranking them by "being the most well-known" isn't too bad of an idea. (I mean, it doesn't make me mad, like, let's say, "funniest" Kenny deaths. God, that concept gets me at my very core of anger.) So… let's get started.

Spoilers? Doesn't apply to me, I've had to _live_ through that shit. Graphic imagery? Well… again, not nearly as bad as having to live through it.

 **(Their) #10: Death By Syphilis**

This one… perplexes me. I don't hate this death as much as I _should._ Probably because that the reward preceding the consequence was so very, very satisfying. Yeah, Tammy's a bitch for not telling me. But you know what? I'm glad she didn't. If she did, I would have either been afraid of catching Syphilis through the whole experience, or I would have just pussied out completely. And no, WatchMojo, you're wrong. Getting a new girlfriend _was_ my life turning up for the better. (Woo-hoo!)

I will admit, the circumstances leading up to said BJ _were_ pretty awful. I could tell that neither of us wanted to wear those damn rings. Tammy was just doing it because her idols told her to, and I was just doing it because _she_ told me to. But trust me, I've had worse experiences. At least here, I wasn't in pain, I was relatively relaxed, and I was _alive._

I'll spare you the graphic details. BJ was awesome, (again, Woo-hoo!) and I woke up a couple days later to find some… unpleasant imagery around my dick. And yeah, dying of Syphilis was painful as hell, nearly as painful as Muscular Dystrophy. But you know what? It was worth it. Worthitworthitworthit. If only I could have had awesome experiences like _that_ before I died all those times. Oh well. I guess one will have to do… (Well, there are a couple more deaths that way actually enjoyable. But that's saved…for another list…)

 **(Their) #9: Death By Tampon**

Oh my _god,_ I was such a gullible, naïve IDIOT! I thought I was the expert on women. I thought that Playboy, my lord and savior, had taught me everything there was to know about the female anatomy. But there's a reason why I never found out that only girls could get periods. 1: Periods aren't sexy. They're nasty, so there's no way that it'd end up in a Playboy. (At least, not in any of the ones _I_ have.) And 2: I was 8. They didn't teach sex ed to 4th graders. (Well, until a couple years later.)

The nice thing about this death is that it turned a bad experience into a more enjoyable one. Rather than being _concerned_ that blood was leaking out of my ass, I was ecstatic. Overjoyed, at my supposed manhood. Carman and I formed a whole club just for guys who got their periods, and Kyle even joined in a few days later! It was pretty damn fun.

Now, I knew that sometimes, when on your period, you can get these really painful cramps. (I knew _this_ , and somehow didn't find out that only _women_ could get periods?! Jesus Christ, I really _was_ stupid…) So I thought that the clenching feeling of my colon was…well… _normal._ It was fucking uncomfortable, but I thought it was _normal._ Until…

The pain just sorta…exploded. Seeing the video, apparently, blood exploded out of my face. Thankfully, I died pretty much instantly. Pretty average pain-wise, but my pride and self-esteem was left with some scars after that whole "sticky" situation. (Geddit?! … I am such a loser…)

 **(Their) #8: Death By Space Station**

Not really that bad, actually. Relatively quick, painless, and unexpected. Kyle cutting me in half with a chainsaw was _much_ worse. Why didn't they put _that_ on? Oh well, let's hear what they have to say…

Oh, so they _did_ mention it. They should've just grouped them all together and called it: "Deaths During Halloween." Three times in one day… a record that has still yet to be broken to this very day. (Well, technically, the angel statue didn't crush me until the next day, but it was still relatively early on in the morning, so it still counts!)

I guess I'll just talk a little bit about my experiences as a zombie. Honestly, it felt like I was dreaming. Almost like my soul was just hanging above my body, watching it all happen. I do remember having the self-restraint to not attack any of my friends, however, so that was good. Pretty sad that everyone was stupid enough to think that it was a costume the whole time, but at least I got 2nd place in the costume contest. But the best part? My senses were dulled, so I barely felt any pain at all. Which was certainly a nice change of pace. So overall, not too bad. Wasn't too fond of watching Kyle sawing me in half, or watching myself get stitched back together, though.

 **(Their) #7: Death By Laughter**

I didn't even notice I died laughing until I woke up the next morning. Seriously, it was _that_ hilarious. One of my most pleasant deaths yet. It didn't hurt, I was pretty damn happy, and I didn't even notice it.

Oh my god, I can't… I need to keep it together, okay? Deep breaths. I can't die during the middle of this list! I swear, I'm on the verge of just exploding with laughter right now, I shit you not. At least this video has something that might make me come back to it. (And apparently, my ghost was laughing as it went up to the afterlife. Pretty awesome.)

Wait, _what?!_ Oh, that's right, I remember Stan and Kyle mentioning something about this. Jesus Christ… Yeah, I agree with WMJ on this one, it's for the best that I died when I did. Hearing about it is one thing, but _this?!_ Seeing it just makes me feel like I can never be comfortable around Cartman. Ever.

 **(Their) #6: Death by Antacid Tablets**

Oh, not this one! Please, _please_ not this one! I already talked about it enough on my last countdown! Seriously, I don't think I can stomach watching this segment. I'm tempted to skip it. You know how I said this was amusing before? I take it back. I seriously, TRULY take it ba

Great, now you've made me vomit my guts out. Thanks, video. Wait, what? They… they're _laughing_ at me? Well, that's news to-WHAT?! "THAT WAS A 'GOOD ONE?'" STAN REMEMBERS? STAN FUCKING REMEMBERS ME DYING BEFORE? Then…why didn't he mention it to me when I asked him about it? Why did he lie to me? Does everyone else remember too? Are they just purposefully making me _think_ that they forget? Why? I just don't understand…

Taking a bad experience and making it worse. Wow. That's pretty damn impressive. (I swear to god, I'm gonna go get some answers out of Stan after I finish this. If he actually remembers, then I deserve to FUCKING KNOW ABOUT IT!)

 **(Their) #5: Death by Mr. "Jefferson"**

Drop the name. We all know it's Michael Jackson. Okay, okay, I _didn't_ know at the time, but that voice and behavior that was coming out of Ike's body after he got possessed? Pretty undeniable, and downright creepy to hear after you got killed by him.

However, I'm glad this death happened. Yes, it was terrifying. Yes, it was painful. But better me than Blanket. Better the disposable life of an immortal than the fragile priceless life of a child. If I wasn't there… I hate to think of what might have happened. I'm just happy that Jackson was dumb enough to mistake me for his son. Otherwise, an entirely _different_ funeral would've been held after. (Wait, did I even _get_ a funeral this time around? Meh, doesn't really matter. Honestly, why do people bother with funerals anyway? It's just a waste of money, and for someone who's died over and over, they've kinda lost their meaning.)

 **(Their) #4: Death by Autoerotic Asphixyation**

Why? This one was AWESOME! That guy wasn't lying, it DOES give super-awesome orgasms! Well, at least it did for me. Potentially fatal for mortals, so don't try it at home.

Wait, those idiots actually tried to convince themselves that sex addiction is a _disease?_ Oh my god… there really is no hope for humanity. Then again, Kyle's mom _did_ wage war on Canada to cover up her bad parenting, so I guess it's just normal for the adults of this psychotic world of ours. Jesus fucking Christ…

But yeah, these guys were amateurs. I mean, at least they identified the biggest perv on the planet, but KYLE AND BUTTERS?! The kids with the strictest parents I know?! Also, "not working out too well for me?" Sorry to disappoint you, but it was one of the best experiences of my goddamn life. While that isn't saying much, seeing as how awful my life is, it's still something.

 **(Their) #3: Death by Ozzy Osborne**

Getting eaten isn't fun. Didn't expect to get eaten by another human being, much less a celebrity, but there you go. Personally, I think that the giant reptilian bird that slammed me against the walls a few times before painfully devouring me whole was _way_ worse, but that's just my opinion.

Wait, this psychopath used to bite the heads off of _bats_ and _doves?_ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Yeah, I know that he said so before his concert, but I THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING! How does this go from a bat to a 4th grader?! What the actual fuck went on in his mind to make him think that biting the head off of an 8 year old was okay?

"One of the deaths I can be the most proud of?" Don't put words in my mouth! Hell, I didn't even know who Ozzy Osborne _was_ until that day! Heavy metal Hall of Fame? More like the "Kenny Death" Hall of Fame. At least, according to _you._

 **(Their) #2: Death by Drowning (In Pee)**

Yaaayyy. At least you were specific with which drowning it was. Also, not to sound redundant, but cement shoes was worse. Just saying.

This is pretty damn embarrassing, though. Unpleasant as hell, too. I hate to admit it, but Carman was right when he said that piss smells like my house. Seriously, drowning is _not_ a nice way to go. Drowning in piss? Not nearly as amusing as it sounds. How Stan recognized me, I'll never know. At least he had the decency to not laugh this time. It's a lot less funny when you're the one _experiencing_ it.

Also, you _expect_ me to have my parka on while swimming?! Fuck no! That's what made the cement shoes drowning so horrible! The thing swelled up with water, dragging me down even further. No, I wear bathing suits just like everybody else, thank you very much.

 **(Their) Honorable Mentions:**

The seizure… Already talked about that one. I think you forgot that it wasn't the _seizure_ that killed me. It was the rats that took up residence inside my catatonic body.

Underpants Gnomes crushing me? Pretty quick and painless, not too bad. The guys not even caring afterward _does_ hurt a little, though. It says a lot when the guys who murder you have more concern for your well-being than your friends do.

Death himself? Instantaneous, and painless. Plus, he spared me an agonizing death by whatever the fuck was going around town at the time. Honestly, I wish he would've killed me more often. Not now, of course, since I'm trying to stay alive as long as I can. (3 years and still going strong! Woo!)

 **(Their) #1: Death by Baked Potato**

FUCK, NOT THIS ONE. PLEEEEAAAASE, NOT THIS ONE. I'll do anything. I swear to god. I've already had to experience that nightmare myself, but to actually watch it? Nope. Nonononononope.

I'll… I'll close my eyes for this bit. I'll just listen to what they have to say. That's it.

Screw that announcer. "Hilariously memorable." Try "fucking disturbing." That's more accurate.

OH MY GOD, I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY EYES CLOSED. I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY EYES CLOSED. I LOOK DISGUSTING!

Oh god… I almost puked again… How I threw up during the Antacid tablet explosion and _not_ this is beyond me. I am SO glad I was unconscious most of the time during this. Just… THIS IS THEIR IDEA OF TRYING TO SAVE ME? This is not an operation! This is slow, painful, brutal, gory murder!

I just… I don't even know what to say. I mean, what do you _say_ after something like that? I'm just gonna go lie down. That's it, I just need to compose myself.

In all seriousness, though, I'm surprised it _took_ WatchMojo this long to do a video about my deaths. At least they had the decency to not include my #1 most painful death: Muscular Dystrophy on the list. If they actually found that funny, that really would've lost the rest of my hope in humanity.

Now, screw you guys, I'm gonna go to bed.

* * *

 **In case you were wondering, yes. It was a blind viewing of the video. I was was watching it as I wrote this fanfic, because I was wondering what Kenny's thoughts on the matter might be. And much like Kenny, I didn't think my silly little countdown would have gotten as much love as it did. Plus, I love trying to get inside Kenny's mind and seeing things from his perspective.**

 **Also, I'm sorry if you guys didn't like this one. It may end up being a stupid idea, but I lack the equipment to do a recorded commentary on Youtube, and I thought that it was better suited for a Kenny-POV. Plus, I was struck by inspiration. Which doesn't happen very often, so I wanted to get it down while it was fresh in my mind, and upload it before the inspiration goes away. So, I'm sorry in advance if you guys find this pointless or stupid.**

 **And yes, I have another list in the works. I can't give a definite date, so I'll just say that it's ready when it's ready. "Kenny's Top 10 Most Tolerable Deaths." I've had the idea for a while, especially since the last one got such good reception. I hope you enjoy that one, at least!**

 **~Cybrawler253**

 **Edit: I know, it actually ends up being a Top 5. That was my mistake, and I'm super sorry about the confusion.**


End file.
